True Life

“There are moments in your life when something’s taken from you, and once you’ve lost it you don’t get it back. What you were before is neither here nor there. You’re different now.” Truth.

31.12 Death of a Murderer

In my teens and twenties I was very interested in true crime, I read a lot of books about cases and have seen every episode of American Justice – I love that man’s voice.  While living in London, my history class took a Ripper walk through Whitechapel.  There is something so odd about doing things so drastic and horrifying and then living like they never happened.  Once I had my own child I couldn’t do it anymore, it is far too close to home now.  Anyway, I also used to watch a lot of British murder mysteries.  They are so compelling in their grittiness, and the true horrors of the of the crimes and the eventual destruction of the people trying to solve the cases.  No one ever comes out better than they were before.  I love Cracker, Prime Suspect, Wire in the Blood, Lynley, Moorse, Luther, Whitechapel, and when I need it to all be a bit lighter, Midsomer Murders.  I know I have seen the case of The Moors Murders somewhere along the way but for the life of me I can’t remember which show, but I can still hear someone screaming, “Myyyyyyra!”  It is one of those cases that is just too awful, one that makes it scary to be a mother, and it clearly has left behind ghosts.  

Death of a Murderer is about a police officer on a 12-hour graveyard shift whose job it is to watch over a body in the morgue.  Just sit there and make sure nothing happens, no big deal right? His wife wants him to call in sick because the body is that of Myra Hindley, although the book never uses her name.  If you are not familiar with The Moors Murders this book will not give you much information except to convey the deep hatred for this woman in England.  In fact, I think you probably need some sort of background knowledge about the case for the book to even make sense.  Myra and her boyfriend murdered children and during the trial she was absolutely despised for her lack of emotion, but the story here is about this man.  He spends the time thinking about his life, and his secrets.  Those secrets that all of us have about things we have done that we hope no one ever finds out about.  It is a very mild story but rings very true.  It is a hard day for him and he dwells on things that make him feel like his life just hasn’t panned out… Wouldn’t it just be better if… I wonder if I had gone here… If only I wasn’t stuck now… But then the day is over and you (us and him) start to remember what you love and live for, you make grand plans to celebrate the life you have and honor those around you, to take the time to enjoy what you are now and not think about the what ifs, but then inevitably the feelings of the low and the high fall away and life goes back to the status quo.

No matter the circumstances, I guess life for most really does go on.