Mysterious Ladies

“There weren’t many people in this world who would let you be vulnerable and still believe you were strong.” Truth.

8.14 The Thousand Dollar Tan Line

I’m a Veronica Mars fan, I backed the Kickstarter movie, and I read this book in two days.  Clearly, we have a history and I honestly have no idea how people would react to the book without the background I already had going in, but I enjoyed the book a lot as a fan, a lot more than the movie actually.  The mystery here is much more solid, as is the detective work, and thus the Veronica character.  The movie was so busy getting every cameo possible squeezed in that the entire plot failed a bit. 

The book takes up exactly where the movie leaves off, Keith is still recovering and Veronica is still struggling with the decision to do what she feels like she needs to versus what she feels like she should, and, as fans of the show know, a conflicted Veronica is a snarky and sassy Veronica.  She is great when she is a little angry.  The mystery is a bit darker which fits with her more grown up world and there is even a twist I never saw coming.  Overall, it left me excited about where this possible avenue of continuing Veronica’s story can go.

Plus, brilliant move to initially print in paperback.  Why are not all publishers doing this now?  With all the distractions available to people now, are many still willing to pay more now for what you can get for less later?  Maybe it’s just me.

“Look.  There is only one of me, and it’s all I’ve got.” Truth.

6.14 The Haunting of Hill House

I read this book a while ago and decided to include it here because what I really took away from reading this horror story was the female characters.  I was kind of distracted from the plot because I kept remembering the movie version that came out a few years ago, but I was impressed with the quite modern relationships and lifestyles being portrayed without apology being that the book was first printed in 1959.

Rough

“‘Boss,’ he says. ‘I need to do something.’

‘So go on then,’ she says. ‘What?’

‘I can’t tell you.’”   

Luther’s Truth.  And once you know him, you know he means it.

22.13 Luther: The Calling

Luther is a BBC show that I totally stumbled on, and I was completely mesmerized.  Idris Elba IS Luther. He embraces the character in a way I have never seen before.  I stood up clapping and crying when he won the Golden Globe.  And yet, Luther is awful.  In the way Tony Soprano is awful.  In an I-totally-want-that-guy-on-my-side way.  In an I-feel-like-I-should-be-embarrassed-to-admit-my-adoration kind of way.  In fact, I don’t recommend this show to many friends because while I love it so much I also think it is probably a bit too real and too rough to be admired by too many.

Luther’s life is a mess.  His marriage, his career, his mind… All of it is falling apart and yet he manages to get the bad guy – generally with the help of some other rather shady guys – because he believes in justice.  Every single episode of the show is emblazoned on my brain in a way I can’t explain, partially because they are plain and simple rough to watch.  All of it is really violent, really realistic, and really rough. It reminds us how there is a bad side to everyone and maybe the ones who hide it more are really the worse ones in the end. Again, it is really rough and so is this book.

I am not sure you should read it if you haven’t seen the show, it is written by the creator of the show so it evokes the characters flawlessly, but if you didn’t already know them I am not sure it would work.  I am not going to talk about the plot but I will say any fan of the show needs to read this because it is a case you want to know more about.  Apparently there will be more books, and they take place before the events in the show, which is an interesting choice especially because he chose to write about immediately before those events.  I twas expecting to see a Luther pre-breakdown, but no – he is still a mess, and while that is completely compelling I was hoping to get a bit more insight into why he is the way he is.  Although, maybe it is better not to know, maybe I have no idea what rough really is.

Feeling Old

"A senior moment."

"You can't remember your own birthday?"
"No," said Gabriel, punching in the code. "I just cant believe it was that long ago."  Truth.

16.13 The Fallen Angel

We just moved – again – and I have never felt so old.  One day of moving boxes was followed by one day on the couch with a knee swollen to the size of a grapefruit. One trip to Home Depot was followed by three others because I can’t remember everything I need.  One goodbye to a neighbor was followed by hysterical crying because I never thought this would happen again, and now I have my heckles up anticipating what will come next.  Needless to say, I am a mess… but I finally made it through a book and it only took 4 1/2 weeks. Grrrrr.

It seems that life is catching up with Gabriel Allon as well, even though the formula of the books remain the same.  Now everyone knows his name and his face.  They know he is an art restorer and a spy.  They know who he works for and with.  And they know all about his friends in high places.  And maybe I know too much as well, because usually I fly through these books dying to know how it will end but this time I just didn’t care.  I don’t know if it wasn’t as exciting because it wasn’t so undercover, or because I just didn’t have the energy to make anything exciting.  I love Gabriel and I love reading my yearly Silva, but this one just didn’t do it for me.  However, that certainly doesn’t mean I won’t be back for the next one though.

The Write Thing

"That the main lesson of literature is courage…"  Truth.

8.13 Woes of the True Policeman

 

For the past few weeks I have watched the neighbors across the street pack up the many belongings from their home.  After 40 years, it is time to move somewhere smaller;  somewhere safer, with only one level.  She is 86 and he is 89.  I knew that they needed to move, especially after he broke his arm last year falling down the stairs backwards, but it breaks my heart to see them dismantle the life they lived in that house.  I wish I knew them better and longer.  It is heart wrenching on one hand and on the other so clearly the right thing to do, but watching them decide what to take and what to leave at this stage in their loves feels sad.

Some people don’t get the chance to make these types of decisions.  Roberto Bolano died at age 50, he had been ill but was still very young.  Much of his popularity as an author came after his death and three books have been published posthumously, most recently Woes.  It was marketed as an addition to 2666, and it is, but it also felt like I wasn’t meant to read it.  It feels like a character study that he did for himself in order to better understand the characters he wrote about there.  It feels like a sketchbook that was set aside and not meant to be a part of anything.  If you haven’t read 2666, this story makes no sense (not that he is known for writing linear stories), if you have read 2666 you will eat this up with a spoon, as I did.  You will relish each new detail, you will want more.  But kind of like too much ice cream, maybe not such a great idea.  I love Bolano and I love his work, but I want to read what he wanted me to read and I am starting to feel a bit dirty as each new piece comes out.

A True Hero's Quest

“Well, actually, I love books because books are my best friends.” Truth.

61.12 Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore

I loved this book.  Yes, it is a little sugary sweet, and yes, it is a whole lot nerdy (and there may be a royalty check for Google in the mail), but it is also full of wonderful people and places.  It is about the love of books, and words, and print.  It is about learning, and creating, and evolving.  It is a quest story with a hero who isn’t looking for the answer but for the solution, and he is looking not for himself but for his friends, and when he finds it it is poignant and simple and timely.  He counts on his friends, and they pay him back in kind, and we see that sometimes life and immortality are the same.  I will forever be hopeful that upon entering a bookstore, the man behind the counter might just ask, “What do you seek in these shelves?”

On a side note, I used the above picture instead of just the sole cover because this is the picture I used on my Twitter feed for the #Dailybookpic of weekend reading.  I was finishing the book on the left to start the book on the right.  And imagine my delight when just a few pages into Penumbra, Sloan wrote this:

“My Kindle is a hand-me-down from my dad, one of the original models, a slanted, asymmetrical plate with a tiny grey screen and a bed of angled keys.  It looks like a prop from 2001: A Space Odyssey. There are new Kindles with bigger screens and subtler industrial designs, but this one is like Penumbra’s postcards: so uncool it’s cool again.”

Now, my original Kindle is not a hand-me-down from my father, but his first Kindle was an original hand-me-down from my brother so that isn’t far off, and if there is anything I am a pro at it is being so uncool that I am sure that someday I just might be cool again.

Old Friends

“One mustn’t dream of one’s future; one must earn it.”  Truth.

“There’s always another train. Always.”  Truth.

46.12 The Prisoner of Heaven

 The Shadow if the Wind is one of my all time favorite books.  My experience reading it was exciting and invigorating jus when I needed to believe in the fun of reading again.  The mystery, the romance, the books! I loved the characters and the places.  I thought Fermin Romero de Torres was the most romantic man I had ever read; a bit of a cad to be sure, but romantic.  These are characters that I have since wondered about and hoped for (is that crazy?).  I missed them in Zafon’s The Angel’s Game, a sort of prequel, but with The Prisoner of Heaven all of my old friends are back and they are an absolute joy to read.  I think the feeling of characters being old friends is one of the most wonderful things about being a reader, what an amazing thing.

They remind me of the importance of family, friends, and loyalty.  I love their Barcelona, Sempere and Sons, and of course, the Graveyard of Forgotten Books, the return there even brought the tears.  They also remind me about hope.  Each of them has been at a point where they have lost everything, but they trust one another, help one another, and come to find that happiness can return.  And maybe that is why I picked up this book right now, I needed a bit of hope on my horizon, and it doesn’t surprise me in the last that these are the characters that brought it to me.  They made me believe again before, and they did it again here.  I am very thankful.

I know Zafon does not want this to be considered a sequel, he wants all the books to interact with each other with no need to read them in any specific order but I think that the emotional punch of this book, as well as some of the mystery and its clues, would not have been as profound without having read the other two first.  It also sets up what could be a really great fourth book, which makes me all sorts of giddy.

Trust the Rooster

Clearly, I am new to this whole blogging thing, and I am sure that I am doing it all wrong, but it is fun to come here and write about what I read even if no one reads it.  Basically, it provides me with an odd form of adult talk.  Anyway, since I started writing the blog I also started reading others and that is how I discovered the Tournament of Books.  March Madness for nerds, folks!  It exists, it is awesome, and I can’t wait until next year.

Every year, nearing those Ides of March, I am subjected to "The Bracket."  My husband hands me a sheet of paper, tells me to fill it out, and then proceeds to get mad at me when I do better than him, even though my general strategy is to pick the superior mascot (thus, Ohio State never wins!) But now I have this Tournament, in which 16 books are pitted against one another and fight for the championship. 

Here are the deets of the 2012 event:

.

• In December, 16 book titles were announced along with the names of 16 judges; a veritable who’s who of authors, bloggers, editors, and, this year, one Wil Wheaton. The books were then seeded into a bracket to be played out in March. Each judge selects a winner in one round, and then all select in the final round.

• There is also a “Zombie” round, in which two books knocked out in previous rounds are brought back by popular vote to rise again and take on the front runners in the second to last round.  This years zombies were The Sisters Brothers (which went on to win) and The Art of Fielding (which is sitting on my shelf).

• The winner of the 2012 tournament was The Sisters Brothers, and past winners include: Wolf Hall (which I loved!), A Mercy, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, The Road (which is devastating, but amazing), The Accidental, and Cloud Atlas (also, on my shelf). 

What I am saying here is that, while reading is a deeply personal thing, there are certain crowds you can hang with and not be disappointed, and this is my crowd for sure!  I can’t wait until next December when they announce the next contenders; I hope to read them before the tournament starts and fill out a bracket with all my nerdy enthusiasm!  Maybe I will make Chris fill one out too...

Now, back to my reading! As my favorite book of last year, Moondogs, also featured an amazing rooster, I took it as a sign and bought The Sisters Brothers the day it won the tourney (opting to find it in hardback since the paperback cover SUCKS!!!) And is it everything I thought and hoped it would be… Well, yes ma’am!

19.12

 

"Our blood is the same, we just use it differently." Truth.

The truth about family is that blood is powerful, blindingly powerful, and in many cases not blinding at all.  We see the truth of one another better than anyone and we let each other get away with it.  We tend to support each other without fail, but rarely do we trust each other wholly.

This is the truth for Eli, our narrator, as he works with his brother Charlie.  They are paid assassins, and very well known.  We watch them travel from Oregon City to San Fransisco to complete a job for the Commodore.  They are violent men, yet Eli is very sentimental.  He is very effected by what they do but he doesn't stop.  He wants to settle down, and love someone; he wants to be loved by someone.  But he doesn't stop.  This felt so human to me; to get bogged down by what you do and never having the strength to drag yourself out of it and start over.  I found myself liking Eli very much, even ignoring his violence and making excuses for it, as if he were family.  I do wish I had learned more about Charlie though.

A lot of reviews say this book is funny, but I think I a lot of that was overshadowed by sadness.  It is an easy, fast-paced read, that is a western through and through.  As Wil Wheaton put it during judging, "The Sisters Brothers made me feel like I was sitting in a movie house in Red Dead Redemption, watching an episode of Deadwood that was written by Quentin Tarantino and directed by the Coen Brothers."

Oddly Delightful!

14.12 – It’s So Easy, and other lies

At 17, I was a huge Guns and Roses fan; I guess I still am although much of my connection to the music has moved to the periphery.  The boys I ran with liked Guns but they loved Motley Crue, Metallica, Joe Satriani…  But there was something about GNR that made them my favorite.  In many ways it was the lyrics, somehow a young girl from Boulder, CO could relate to the anger and issues of five punks from LA.  But more than that it was the music.  That rhythm of the bass line.  It is still what I love about any song.  It is what makes me move.  It is what still gives me goosebumps when I hear a GNR song, not so much the angry lyrics anymore.

This is Duff’s story, he never uses it to gossip about or take anyone else down, and because he was the bass player in the band he had always been my favorite.  There are wonderful tidbits here that made me smile: Duff having business cards that said “Duff McKagan, Pastry Chef” prior to giving up the business to play music full time, Slash’s mom being all up in their business when they started out, Duff’s daughter finally picking up a guitar but only because she loved Taylor Swift.  Things that made me sad: The breakdown of the bands’ friendships, the loss of his friends, the loss of his mother.  Things that made me shake my head:  Basically things were good for GNR for a very short period of time, they lived essentially separate lives, and everyone sat by and let Axl’s personality kill it. Like I said, I was a big GNR fan but the only time I saw them live was during a co-headline tour with Metallica.  I went to the show a Guns fan, but after Axl showed up late and walked off the stage, I left a Metallica fan.

Quite honestly, this book was a delight for me to read.  To go back to that place and remember how I felt about the band and who I was then, to remember how I imagined their life to be and to see who they really were.  In fact, oddly, I feel like I had a lot of similar experiences to Duff and it makes me wonder if that is in fact why I was such a fan.

When it came to partying, drinking, and drugs, Duff had a sense to not go to far.  An invisible line of how much you could do while still knowing who you were. I was the same way when it came to partying. I didn’t ever want to lose control.  That doesn’t mean I never did, but it was some sort of self-control I believed I had.  Duff thought he had it all under control too, until his pancreas exploded.  It is nice to think we have it all figured out right?  Then to get all he wanted, have it not turn out to be exactly what he expected, and see it all fall apart. To feel totally alone and secluded as a result.  Then turn to literature and for that to become the way to realize that his shared experiences were normal. So like me.  Then to go back to school once you knew what it was you wanted to achieve and do really well in all of those traditional ways. So like me. 

You can tell Duff has prior experience writing because he moves back and fourth in time instead of writing a time line narrative. But you can also tell it is journalism writing; I feel like you could mix up all the chapters again and it would still work because they are self-contained. This isn't a bad thing.  It was in many ways not at all what I was expecting and yet at the same time exactly what it would have to be, the story of a normal guy trying to find his way.

Do you Downton?

6.12 The Sisters: The Saga of the Mitford Family

I missed out on Downton Abbey the first time it showed on PBS; I had just watched the Upstairs/Downstairs reboot and wasn’t interested in watching, what felt like, the same show.  Then PBS showed repeats during Christmas and I loved tucking in on those cold Sunday nights to watch Carson and Mrs. Hughes continually try to be hard asses, to watch Mary be insufferably annoying, and, of course, to watch Mr. Bates – my god, Mr. Bates.  Plus, the Dowager – seriously she is the best. I have even sucked Chris into watching the second season, which I like but am not wild about.  Frankly, there are just too many people to keep track of.  Anyway, I have come across many, “What to read if you like Downton Abbey” lists and The Sisters turned up on one.  My mom’s lovely friend gave it to her, she then lent it to me, only to have in languish on my huge TBR pile.

I am glad that it languishes no more!  And my god these Mitford girls! Wow.  How great to read about women who did exactly as they wanted without for one moment fretting over not being treated as equals (granted they were rich so that helped).  Quite refreshing really, even though some clearly should have stepped back a bit.  They are writers and lovers, divorcees and mistresses.  Fascists and Nazis, mothers and aunties.  But mostly they are family and even though they disagree with each other, hate each other, and are quite awful to each other, they are always family.

But I must digress for a moment over the nicknames, my god the nicknames!  Why are there not more nicknames on Downton?

Nicknames:

            David – Farve

            Sydney – Muv

            Nancy – Susan

            Pamela – Woman

            Thomas –

            Diana – Honks, Cord

            Unity – Bobo, Boud

            Jessica – Decca, Hen, Susan (again)

            Deborah – Debo, Little D

*Um, why did Tom get left out of the fun? And poor Pam, poor poor Pam... 

Of all the girls I identified most with Debo, the current Duchess of Devonshire, who as the youngest and kind of missed out on the glory days of her family’s togetherness and instead watched as it all fell apart.  It is hard to watch as older siblings leave home and branch out in to their own belief systems that often include damning their way of growing up.  I am the youngest of six, but also feel very much like an only child.  It has always been an odd place for me to be and has very much shaped who I am and how I treat people.  I approach almost everything with a sense of doom instead of wonder.

Special K

"A man and his rooster exit a taxi idling on a crowded street.  The man is short and thin, and the rooster is green, and the rooster belongs to him.  He's wearing a fresh shirt, the blood all washed out, and his polyester slacks shine a little in the afternoon light.  He's too young to be balding, but is.  His mouth is a rotten mess, owing to bad hygiene and a shabu habit.  His name is Ignacio.  He and the rooster are villains."

This is the opening paragraph of Moondogs by Alexander Yates, and this is the shit I live for!  Could it be any better? I read it and couldn't stop smiling.  I had to close the book and take a deep breath to calm down the excitement I have to read the rest.  I quite simply can't wait!

Renaissance Man

36.  The Rembrandt Affair

Oh Gabriel, I love you.  I love that I know you will right wrongs.  I love that you keep your team safe.  I love that when the bad guy says something I smile to myself knowing he will regret that later.  I love that you retire at the end of every book, but you always come back.  I love that next July you will be waiting on the shelf.  And I love that I know we will have another three days together to set the world right.

Texas Forever

We interrupt the reading for me to mourn the passing of Friday Night Lights; an amazing TV show that fought the good fight.

I had an odd evolution with the show.  I watched the first season and enjoyed it, but gave up on it during the second when they went all hypo-drama with the murder plot line. Then the schedule got all shuffled around so I only saw some of season three.

Then came season four and Vince, and it was over. I couldn’t possibly be more of a fan.  I remember watching the third episode and breaking down over the realities of kids like this, kids with zero chance. Kids who meet a coach who gives them something to work for and be proud of. Kids who I knew because I taught them.  You do the best you can for them in the few hours a week you see them but then they are gone and you wonder about them always. 

Then came the episode "The Son." I literally stood up and screamed at Tim Riggins, “Don’t you break in to the mortuary Timothy Riggins!” while wielding my pointy teacher finger at the TV. But this is what Riggins does; he isn’t a forward thinker or a planner so when he makes suggestions they are simple and direct, and often exactly right. It was the most honoring and realistic portrayal of kids left to bear the burden of war I have ever seen.

From that point on I watched every episode and look forward to it, but not for the escape I usually seek, but for the reality. The realness of the show makes me feel more normal. The desire to escape from your hometown, and yet always being drawn back to it makes me feel normal. The Taylors marriage makes me feel normal. It also taught me the most important message I have ever learned about marriage: you change and it changes. It isn't about what you expected it to be or what the big plan was, it is about where you are and who you are and asking someone to risk that with you.

For a show about football, I haven't mentioned it much have I?  Well that isn't because it isn’t there. It certainly was but it was kept in perspective and that works for me because my whole life football has been there.  We won state my senior year of high school, I think my feet are still frozen from that day.  The ducks went to the Rose Bowl my sophomore year and we went to the Naty last year. Does it make a difference that I am a girl and 36 years old?  No way, because I am a fan and an alumni and that never goes away (just ask Buddy!). Darren had duck gear before he was born. He says "Go ducks!" and we give him high fives. It is a thrilling and agonizing game to watch, and obviously to play, but at the end of the day it is just a game and FNL never gave it too much more importance than that.  Not everyone gets a happily ever after but they love it while they are there.

So I am sad to see this show go, but in a way I am also happy.  It did run for five seasons, and it got better with each one, which is very rare.  Kids graduated and were replaced with equally intriguing characters.  So I am glad it goes away still being a great show instead of some shows that go on ten years and are just painful to watch by the end.  When I was a teenager I watched 90210 and it taught me that drama was what made you important.  That something bad always had to be going on.  FNL taught me that family, friends and integrity are what make you important.  Man, I wish this show had been around for me then, but thank goodness it was around for me now.

"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose." - Coach Taylor

**And, on a reading note, I read the book in high school and LOVED it!  It just may be time for a re-read.

Christmas in July!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Why you say?  The hot weather? No, I only like it for a day.  Summer vacation? Nope, I was the kid who couldn't wait to get back to school. Forth of July? No way, I HATE fireworks, unless they are the big professional jobby-jobs.

I have two words people: Gabriel Allon.

Every July Daniel Silva published a new book in the Allon series and on the day his new hardback is released the paperback of his previous book is also released.  My Allon collection is paperback only, so I am a year behind, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because at some point Silva is going to move on or stop writing and when he does I will have an extra year of Gabriel waiting for me.

I love Gabriel to the point of ridiculousness. I think it is because he is quiet.  He doesn't boast, he doesn't even generally want to be doing what he is doing.  But he always does the right thing.  And he always cares about the people he is with.  Plus, his eyes, and the painting...

Royal Obsession

Ever since I can remember I have been obsessed with royals and the British royal family.  I loved Diana and my grandmother sent me books about the royals and their weddings.  My family traveled to London when I was young and I got to see all of the castles and that solidified it for me; these weren't stories, it was real!

So it is safe to say I was over the moon about the most recent royal wedding.  I loved waking up at 2:30 in the morning, watching the events unfold on TV while sipping my PG Tips tea.  I know a lot of people thought they would just catch the highlights later, but not me. I wanted to see it first hand.  I loved the anticipation of who would be stepping out of the next car, what her dress would look like, how William would react.  I loved how confident and happy they both looked.  I am unashamed to say that I cried and clapped and loved every ounce of pomp and circumstance that they dished out.  I giggled over Harry and tried to read lips.  And I cheered when they rode that Aston Martin out of the palace gates!

 **This was my favorite pictures of the whole thing!  The footman just dropped her dress in a pile when she got out of the carriage but Harry - a prince! - stepped in and took care of it.  Someone was raised right!

 

Anyway, this is a blog about books not weddings, so let's get back to it.

After all of the wedding excitement I was having a hard time getting back to reading so I finally picked up a book that my sister-in-law recommend to me when I was in the midst of my I'm-pregnant-and-can't-read stage.  I knew she had said it was hard for her to put down and I knew it was set in the royal courts of England and France, so it sounded perfect.  

And the truth is I have barely come up for breath since starting it.  It is truly a page turner and Barbra is so far a really great character.  It is quite the love story so far, and I bit more of a bodice ripper than I was expecting.  In fact, it reminds me a bit of this picture...

Awful, awful, I know, but sometimes it is funny to see the ways in which no matter how will laid your plans are, there is always a hitch!  Poor girl...

Pure Magic

Reading is magic.  Books are pure magic.

When I read I often wonder how it is that I would waste any minute of any day doing anything else.  When I am browsing in a bookstore I find it amazing that all those words on all those pages come together to create worlds and people and life.  It is all so simple, and so beautiful.  There are millions of books, all someone's soul put out there to hopefully effect another soul.  Some wildly successful, and some quietly ignored, and generally that is never based on merit.  It is all so brave, and so admirable.

Just sayin'.

Fangirl!

Two things happened yesterday that sent my inner-fangirl squealing with delight!  One in a literary nerd kind of way, and the other in a teenage dream kind of way.

First, I finally sat down to read By Night in Chile by Roberto Bolano.  I bought this when I was reading The Host; that book made me feel so gross and dumbed down that I had to remind myself of what I love about literature.  Now Chris is out of town and I have time to devote to it, because when I read Bolano I get lost in a way unlike any other.  I love his writing but it is so hard to explain to other people why.  The cadence of his writing absolutely takes me away.  I relax and become totally enveloped in the trace of his language.  At the end of one of his books I miss the experience of reading and I miss his characters.  People ask me, "What is it about?" and I just can't go there, because his writing is about so much more than what it is about, it is about what it is.  And I think it is spectacular.  He died much too young.

Second, Duff McKagan is a scholar!  WHAT THE FUCK!?!  How did I miss this development!!!

Duff McKagan is the bass player for Guns N' Roses.  In high school I had an absolutely unhealthy infatuation with this band.  I dreamed of befriending and touring with them; I dreamed of making them care about things other than drugs and partying.  And then they broke up.  Duff made a solo album and I can still recite every word, but somewhere along the line I had to become an adult and close the door on my rock and roll fantasies.  Anyway, yesterday I see Duff's name on a Vanity Fair article and find out that he felt the need to grow up too!  After almost dying and getting clean (much more exciting than my need to get a job and move out of my parents house) he went back to school and edumacated himself and now writes for Seattle Weekley and ESPN!  He mostly writes about music and sports but he also writes about about literature - and I mean literature.  Cormac McCarthy is a favorite - I cannot begin to explain the ways in which I would love to discuss The Road with Duff - FUCKING EPICNESS!!!  Truly, it is beyond...  Again, I can't explain this excitement.  I spent so much of my life trying to hide who I was, a loner completely happy and content on my bed with a book, and put on the facade of being a cool girl, perpetually drunk and flighty, that to this day I never know if I am being who I am or who I think I am supposed to be.  If I had known that the rocker I fantasized about running away with would in some way think that my cool factor was heightened by my literary infatuations... Man, I wonder who I would be now.