Those Who Can’t Do, Act

“Human beings aren’t that simple.  Life would be a lot more straightforward if all that mattered was what you actually are, but we’re social animals.  What other people think you are, what you think you are: those matter too.” Truth.

“The ones that slice like razors forever are the ghosts of things that never got the chance to happen.” Double Truth.

42.12 Broken Harbor

 

“Those who can’t do, teach.”  Lovely.  For the sake of all teachers, I cringe every time I hear this.  For me personally, it especially stings because, in my case, it is true.  I have never been great at anything.  I am a middle of the pack master.  Always making the team, but never the winner.  Always getting stuff done, but never all that well.  Always compared to everyone around me but never measuring up.  My whole life I have recognized it while also trying to ignore it. Especially when I was teaching because while teachers may not be doing, one thing they do better than anyone is act; and I have that part down pat. You smile through the insults of students, parents, and colleagues.  Your personal life doesn’t exist.  Your past fears and indiscretions are hidden well from view.  This is something where not just teachers do, we all do; we hide who we are to make it through. 

Tana French’s books bring this truth to life.  Everyone on the Dublin murder squad is faking it to make it.  Detectives have to be in charge, always one step ahead.  Never vulnerable.  Hiding who they are while deciding who someone else is and what they are hiding.  French shows us exactly how they do it and at times it is excruciating to read.  Her detectives desperately want to find someone to be safe with, to be true with, without letting anyone think they are weak, but they never really get there.  Each of her books gives us the point of view of a different detective, and I am so amazed at how she can create a whole new persona every time, male or female, while also writing an intriguing mystery.  In the case of Broken Harbor, I think the murder case faltered a bit.  I didn’t come to care about the victims and I think a lot of the investigation could have been pared down. By the end, it felt more exhausting than triumphant, but regardless I think Detective Kennedy is one of her best detectives, even though I do miss Cassie. 

Until now, all we knew about Kennedy was that he is kind of a jerk, but being in his mind shows us that he is just really trying to be good at what he does; whether as a husband, a brother, or a partner; but he is so focused on hiding who he is, and what he blames himself for, that he can’t keep it all together so he acts like a know it all and pulls away.  He is constantly acting, and he recognizes the same behavior in his partner, the other detectives, and the witnesses he works with. I felt a lot of sympathy and sadness for him, especially when he recognized his new partner trying to open up to him yet pulling away.  He couldn’t reach out to him and I wanted him to so badly, but at the same time I totally get it.  Sometimes what we do, and how other people see us, just becomes the more important thing to protect.